


When No One Sees

by LucyRasmussen



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27862850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyRasmussen/pseuds/LucyRasmussen
Summary: Moments During Lockdown, And Some After.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Comments: 57
Kudos: 243





	1. The Before

_I don't own the show or the characters, but I do love writing befores and afters and what ifs._

1.

They can do nothing more then stare in horror at the tv hanging over the bar at La Mariana.

None of them have ever seen the Hawaiian governor, nor could they name or recognize him but he’s been addressing the state for the last 45 minutes. Ordering everyone to stay home until this, whatever this is goes away.

At the end of the night they say an indefinite goodbye to their friends and drive home in silence.

He knows she’s mentally calculating what comes next, what to do with the estate staff and if there is enough food to hold them over for now.

She does those things, but she’s also contemplating the fact that it’ll be the two of them in a big empty house and how that specifically will work. Things have changed since Robin’s last visit, and she can not define if it’s gotten better or worse. They’ve been in limbo and this whole situation isn’t helping.

The gate opens before them and he stops the car and leans back in his seat.

”Ready?”

She sighs and nods, because she isn’t. At all.

2.

Things don’t change that much initially.

She works in her office and he takes up the tasks the estate staff can not do for now.

He especially delights in mowing the lawn and in using the ride on lawnmower. She watches from the window as he tuffs around the lawn in neat patterns. He’s warbling along to music on his phone and doesn't notice her staring.

(He does, and he amps up the performance just because he knows)

She leaves the window open and finds paperwork much easier combined with knowing he’s right outside and not going anywhere.

3.

The second week, Robin sends over boxes from his New York estate with a request to sort through them.

Apparently his local majordomo needed a new office and space needed to be made. 

So they watch from a distance as a delivery van drops off box after box at the gate and then speeds away. They drag them inside and find they mostly contain books. One of them gives out and they scatter across the living room floor.   
  


He’s honestly never seen her so delighted at the sight of a floor covered in books.

It suits her well, he thinks.

They spend much of the week sorting the books into piles. He calls dibs on the comic books and she rolls her eyes at him, making him laugh.   
  


“You watch it, Higgy, I’ll make you a comic book fan yet.”

He enjoys this, just spending time with her. Sitting out on the patio with their boxes picking what to keep for themselves, what goes into the living room bookcase and what will never be read. There are some children’s books which she definitely wants to hold on to, even if there are never any children coming out here. He hangs on to the comics like they are precious gems.  
  


Sometimes they’ll read random passages to eachother and he finds he enjoys this more then he thought. He reads her excerpts from the comic books and makes gun and plane noises and she laughs until she cries.

He reads from one her children's books. The prose is strange but she always lets him read to the end of the story.

At the end of the second week, they’ve made it a nightly ritual.

4.

Sometime in the third week, a massive heatwave hits Hawaii and working in her office or him painting the shed have become unbearable tasks.  
  


So over breakfast, he suggests they take the day off.

_”Let’s be lazy.”_

They lounge by the pool and she’s wearing that teal bikini she knows he likes to see her in.

He teaches her how to hold her breath underwater, one minute, two minutes and she hopes to make it four as an arbitrary goal.

Turns out, four minutes is a big stretch.

She emerges from the water, spluttering and coughing.

He holds her as she pants into his shoulder, telling her to relax and breathe.

She tries, but the feel of his bare stomach against hers is preventing it. She’s heard of electricity between people but never thought it could feel like this. She hides her face so he can’t see how flushed she is. His fingers run over her spine and she has to stop herself making happy noises.

But he lets go and the moment passes and later she'll often imagine what could have been if he hadn't.

5.

The massive heatwave is followed by a massive thunderstorm.

So they settle themselves on the couch, and he’s determined to get her watching Game of Thrones. She’s not very interested in the randomly naked people or who is murdering who. She’s very much focused on the feel of his thigh so close to her own.

She falls asleep after three episodes, and she feels him kissing her temple before nodding off himself.

They wake the next morning, wrapped in a nest of blankets and he gazes over her.

She's not sleeping, he knows, because every time he tries to stir or disrupt the blankets she makes protesting noises.

He could get used to this, he thinks. These waking hours with her.

6.

The lockdown ends and so does their time together.

They go back to private investigating and estate running and general trouble seeking and they never talk about those weeks anymore, much to her dismay.

She is injured and winds up in hospital.

Ethan is nice and handsome and asks her out.

She tells herself to keep him at arms length at the very least and fails miserably.

But he doesn’t read to her or sings off key under her office window and part of her smarts over that fact.

And they still don't say what they need to say.

He thought they did okay during lockdown.

He’s actually gotten to know her better in those few short weeks then he did in three years of working with her.

So it baffles him when she goes out to dinner with her surgeon.

Ethan is a nice guy, treats her well and isn’t likely to stray so he guesses he should be happy for her.

But he’s not. it gnaws at him and sometimes he’s a little too obvious about it.

Rick warns him, Kumu warns him but he is torn and can do nothing more then watch her drift away.

One night, while she’s out he finds one of her children’s books on the coffee table.

He bets Ethan, for all his wining and dining, doesn’t know her favourite part or why she loves this book so much.   
  
He wonders if she misses someone who does.


	2. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks after her, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

She hasn't said much since they got home from the hospital.

After her initial reprimand (which he considers code for a thank you) she fell silent, though he did catch her staring during her welcome home dinner.

Later, she watches with interest as he clears the table and loads the dishwasher.

He makes a bit of a show finding something in the fridge and he can tell even with his back turned that she's smiling.

Kumu thought him mad when he suggested jello for a snack before bed, but he's pretty damn excited that he found out something new about her.

She looks at the bowls like they are nuclear waste.

_"It's...jello."_

_"So, I thought you liked jello now."_

_"I do?"_

She carefully eats a small spoonful and looks at him in great confusion.

_"This does not taste of anything."_

Apparenty, rational Juliet and drugged Juliet are non communicating vessels, he should have known.

He could really smack himself over the head.

_"It's okay, you know. Nice try."_

An alarm goes off somewhere in the kitchen, alerting her to take her meds.

_"Make it up to me and fetch me water?"_

He watches as she downs the pills and she lets him check her bandage which is still firmly in place.

The pills work fast and she soon makes a drowsy impression.

_"Come on, bedtime."_

Without hesitation he lifts her up from the couch and carries her upstairs.

Instead of protesting she hangs back in his arms and he can feel her hair tickling his neck.

It's soft and smells incredibly clean and he really tries to focus on the task at hand.

He waits as she changes into her pajamas and he catches her staring again.

He turns around and looks at random things in the room until he hears the tap turn off and the door opening.

Watches as she gets under the covers and waits for ... something.

_"Goodnight, Magnum."_

_"Goodnight, Juliet."_

_"I am sorry about the watch. You didn't have to. Not on my account."_

She's looking guilt stricken and his heart sinks in his chest.

_"We'll get it back, no worries."_

She lays back down and he knows she doesn't believe him when he says that.

He turns off the light and leaves and catches his bare wrist in the semi dark.

His stomach is twisting in every which direction and tries to convince himself that she's worth it, or will be worth it.

He hopes, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the lockdown story with the intent of it being a one shot, but so much is happening (or has happened) that I really wanted to write the gaps between episodes.


	3. Yearn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, three wound check ups would make a charm, no?

They both look ghastly.

Their clothes are filthy, they reek of the jungle and she feels the Range Rover will need a very deep clean tomorrow.  
  


She watches as he discards his shirt and can’t make herself look away. She doesn’t even complain when he tosses it over a chair.

_Look at me. Turn around and look at me._

He comes back holding two beers and a bag of peanuts.

”To a day well spent.”

They clink and she wills the beer to go down.

”Let’s see it, then.”

She doesn’t even blink when he reaches for the hem of her tank top, and for the third time today she shows him her wound.

The bleeding has lessened but the bandage is soaked in blood and sweat and feels gross.

He carefully peels it off and inspects it as though he’s an expert now. His fingers lightly graze her abdomen and she thinks she’s stopped breathing for a minute.

As soon as he began, he stops and tells her to go shower, he’ll stitch it up before she leaves on her date.   
  


_Touch me, turn around and touch me again._

She takes a cold shower in order to appease her fast whirring mind.

When she returns to the kitchen, he has also showered and found the first aid kit and is carefully laying out what he needs.

”Come here.”

He does appear to know what he’s doing. He applies the disinfectant and she hisses at the sting it brings. She watches as he works, carefully and methodical. She focuses on his breathing and how she can feel it against her abdomen.

She wants to ask him to not stop, ridiculous as that would be.

Wants to reach out and wipe that stray lock away from his forehead.

”All done.”

He gets up, oblivious as to what he’s caused inside her.

She checks the stitches in the mirror and finds he did an admirable job.

”I could have used gunpowder, you know.”

He shows her a discolouration on his own skin where a wound was once primitively blasted shut.

She reaches out and just before her fingers touch it, his cell phone rings and he walks away.

_Want me, just turn around and want me._

_I dare you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left the watch scene alone because I can not top perfection. 
> 
> But I did like the wound care scenes. A lot.


	4. Could Have Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-toast reminiscing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gather that 3.03 was not a very thrilling Miggy episode but here goes.

_“A toast, to my ex fiancée.”_

Not a thing he ever imagined he would be cheerful for.

When he says the word he suddenly starts remembering Hannah.

He’d loved her, or so he thought. They’d looked at houses and there was always something not right about them.

She’d looked at bridal magazines but never bought an actual dress.

Perhaps that should have alarmed him earlier that the altar was never going to be her endgame.

It only made sense after her betrayal, or perhaps after she died. Sometimes it still doesn't make sense.

Juliet was a beautiful bride.

The thought comes out of nowhere.

He still dreams of her like that. With flowers bound into her fair hair and her feet bare in the sand. 

Sometimes they marry and sometimes they already are. And it always feels so delightfully normal, like they were never anything else.

Sometimes he watches her marry Ethan, or a shady figure who he thinks is Richard.

He wakes from those dreams unsettled and doesn’t know why.

*

_”A toast, to my ex fiancée_.”

He looks cheerful and then again not.

Perhaps he thinks of Hannah or perhaps she’s just hearing regret in his voice.

Later when she’s alone she looks at her box with mementos of Richard.

If only he could see her now. Would he think her mad for all the scrapes she gets into? Or for this marriage ploy?  
  


She thinks of his proposal, on a rained out night on the steps of The National Gallery. Opens the box holding her engagement ring which she got to wear a few short weeks.

Her thumb grazes the small diamond and the ridges carved into the gold.

Thomas made a handsome groom.

She doesn’t know where the thought comes from and almost feels like she’s betraying Richard by thinking it.

She puts the ring back in the box and the box back in the drawer and slams it shut.

But he was.

In his suit, wearing that good aftershave that always lingers long after he’s left the room. She’ll never admit to anyone but herself but it is one of her favorite scents. Heady and masculine and she stops herself before her thoughts go in the wrong direction.

She dreams of him like that.

Sometimes they marry and sometimes they already are and it always feels delightfully normal.   
  
Sometimes she watches him marry Hannah or some faceless woman and she only feels anger and envy.

She’ll wake from those dreams still seething and takes it out on him.

And she doesn’t really understand why. 


	5. Learning to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I turn a 20 second teaser into well .. this.

“When did you last lose at anything?”

It’s an odd retort considering they were just bickering over something completely unrelated. 

“I ... what?”

“Do you even know what it’s like not to win at something?“ He snipes it at her, which she’s never seen him do before.

In truth, Juliet Higgins has literally been raised to excel. In school, in sports, in any given subject put in front of her. She knows he doesn’t understand that mindset. The dogs are antsy beside her, because they feel her tensing and they aren’t sure whether or not she needs defending.

“What an odd question is that?” She bites back.

“It is not a question, it’s an observation.” 

With that, he gets in the Ferrari and drives off. She watches him go and stands there perplexed for a few more minutes. He’s been antsy all morning, even more so after she asked him to help with the security checks. 

Something aches inside her as she walks back to the main house.

Of course she’s lost at things before. And she will prove it to him.

****

He doesn’t often suffer bad moods, but this morning has just been a corker of a mood so far.

After a night of bad dreams involving white vans and screaming and his POW prison cell, he’d found her sitting at his table demanding he help with security upgrades. Not asking, not requesting, demanding it. Which immediately cranked his already overtired mind.

Then she demanded he “steal” the Ferrari. Like she thinks nothing less of him or something.

So he steals the car he already drives everyday and finds her waiting with her hellbeasts upon his return.

”Honestly, all you had to do was steal the Ferrari so I could test the security upgrades.”

And it all went downhill from there.

“When did you last lose at anything?” He bites at her. Because it is simply not possible for someone to be this level of competitive. Not humanly possible.

“What an odd question is that?”

He thinks his head might explode in frustration.

“It is not a question, it’s an observation.”

With that, he gets in the car and speeds off. He can tell from the rear view mirror that she hasn’t stormed off. Even as the distance widens, he can tell she’s flummoxed.

****

He only comes back after sundown, she can hear the door to the guest house slam from where she’s sitting. 

Her phone beeps and notices he’s sent her a message.

”Your humble servant has returned.”

The words seem to send spikes through her stomach. They had their issues and their quarrels but he has never been like this. She watches the light turn on and off like he’s unsure of his next move.

****

He’s spent the day at a crummy bar drinking second rate beer to drown out his not so very good day. He’d hadn’t wanted to go to La Mariana because Rick would just look concerned and have called Juliet as a direct result.

The owner kicked him out at sundown, and it’s a miracle he made it home in one piece.

He slams the door loud enough for one of the hellbeasts to bark in alarm but he doesn’t care.

Let her know that he’s still angry.

He sends her a text saying he’s home and decides to head for bed. Perhaps the alcohol will provide for better dreams.   
  


He fumbles with the light button, undecided which one is the off side.

****

”What the hell is wrong with you?”

He hadn’t heard her come in but there she is.

No hellbeasts this time, but her face looks thunderous enough that they are not necessary.

”With me? Nothing, nothing is wrong. Just go away.”

He’s halfway up the stairs when he turns around and comes back at her.

“So, did you think of something you’ve lost at? And don’t say a game of backgammon when you were six! Or a soccer game as a teenager.” 

He suddenly realizes that he is screaming and she still looks fuming. And something else which he hasn’t seen before. Confusion, maybe.

”I thought not. Of course you only know how to win.”

****

She doesn’t understand his anger.

He starts to walk up towards the stairs again when she finally starts talking.

”The last night I had with Richard, we played chess. I lost, over and over again. Even he thought it was odd. He left the next morning and I never saw him alive again. A few weeks after that, I visited my Gran at her nursing home and we played cards. The next morning, they called to tell me she had died in her sleep. And a few weeks after that, I got called into MI6 headquarters to be told I was disavowed. So don’t you fucking tell me I don’t know how to lose.”

The air in the room is thick and she is trying not to cry.

He stares at her from the couch and feels like a tool.

But the angry spell is broken and they slowly regain oxygen.

*****

She hadn’t meant to spill the words like that.

In fact, she’s never told anyone about that period in her life when all she knew was loss.

But here they are and she waits for him to speak.

”I am drunk, I think.”

She huffs but she can smell the stale alcohol from where she’s standing.

So she falls down on the couch next to him and studies his face. His hair is getting long and there are some unruly locks hanging across his forehead. Her fingers ache to move them out of his face. 

“Yes, I rather think you are.” She looks at him in earnest and bumps his shoulder.

”I’m sorry, Higgy. For blowing up like tha... Did you just drop an F bomb?”

She smirks and tells him not to push it.

Before getting up and walking away, she turns around one last time.

”And I did lose at backgammon often as a child, still do on occasion. Just so you know.”

With that, she’s gone and leaves him wondering if they have a backgammon board laying around somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All tv shows are vastly improved with mild swearing.
> 
> This is not technically an after, but rather a “boy, I do wish for actual conflict in 3.04 for some reason” fic.


	6. Milk & Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post 3.04 moment.

The house is quiet when they get back.

Kumu has long gone home, leaving only empty glasses and a tray of home made cookies.

Neither of them have eaten since this morning and their stomachs are growling.

She sits out by the pool, her feet dangling in the water.

He’s behind the kitchen counter, hopping back and forth preparing something resembling dinner. Or rather a midnight snack. Her phone beeps and then she notices that Ethan has been trying to contact her several times throughout the day. Part of her feels guilty, and the other strangely not.

She types a quick response to let him know she’s ok, citing being busy with a case as an excuse. As she hits the return button, she sees the text she accidentally sent to Thomas instead of him.

_Been thinking about you and last night. Am glad we finally got around to dessert. Between you and jello, I really enjoyed you better. Can not wait for another helping. Love, J._

Thomas sits down next to her, putting a full tray between them announcing a leftover bonanza. 

It is indeed a lot of food. Poke, pasta, rice, salad, a tray of cookies and two glasses of milk.

They eat like savages. The only sound is of them chewing and swallowing and him grunting as his stomach fills. She watches as he downs the milk in three gulps and she laughs.

She's never understood this American penchant for drinking cold milk with meals. The last time she remembers doing it was with MI6, to neutralise her stomach after a suspected poisoning. Before that, probably in childhood. 

“Will you make me tea?”

He looks at her funny because she hardly ever drinks tea, let alone ask for it.

But he complies and makes her a strong jasmine tea and she lets it warm her through. He munches on a cookie and occasionally his foot will bump hers, shooting pleasant shivers through her body.

They sit in silence listening to the waves on the beach and the tree frogs making a racket somewhere above them.   
  


“I deleted it, you know. The message.” He looks pensive, as though trying to find the right words, something he’s been doing often lately. She finds it strangely endearing. “I, uh, didn’t need to know that specifically, but you’re right that I have no business in that aspect of your life. As long as you’re happy, I will be too.” With that, he gets up and starts carrying the tray back to the kitchen.   
  


She watches him walk away and listens as the plates clatter and he drinks the other glass of milk that she refused. And she feels split in half. For she likes being with Ethan, loves the way he is with her but she also loves moments like this, simple as they are.

And she thinks back over sending that message. And how accidentally on purpose it actually was.

Thomas turns off the light in the kitchen and bids her goodnight.

Leaves her standing there with a fiercely warring heart and mind.

And it’ll be a long and frustrating fight yet, she knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No way would Thomas and Ethan be listed anywhere near eachother in a contact list. So I do think it was a matter over mind sort of thing. I also think the text was not that explicit. 
> 
> And I had an online discussion about drinking cold milk and whether or not Americans only do that on tv and not in real life so it wound up in the story.


	7. Turpentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post 3.05 ditty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it’s just me, but other then the pool table scene, I thought the Higgy/Ethan chemistry fell sort of flat in this episode.
> 
> I thought I was going to write a green eyed monster story, but then the closing scene happened and nah. Let’s stick to territorial instead.

  
Kumu watches them at the post, their brushes sweeping in identical directions. She wonders if they even know they’re doing it. They banter back and forth, like nothing else in the world exists. Not a doctor boyfriend recovering from a gunshot wound somewhere out there, and not the fact that a hurricane just blew the can of worms that is their relationship wide open.

She’s beautiful in the late afternoon sunlight.

He can not stop thinking it. He halts his brush to watch for a few seconds, never long enough for her to notice. But he does it none the the less.

They drink beer and he teases her and they move around the post in a strange little dance.

Once, they move in opposing directions and she bumps into him. He catches her wrist before the brush hits his shirt and moves her arm away and he thinks she’s let out a small gasp. He feels like all the oxygen has suddenly left the room and he just knows that people are curiously staring to see what will happen next.

Much to his (and their, and maybe hers) disappointment, she lets go of the brush and it clatters to the floor, breaking the spell.

Her phone beeps and reality comes crashing back in.

As she walks away, busily chatting to Ethan can only think how beautiful she looks in the late afternoon sunlight.

When she’s assured that Ethan is well, and after a promise to drop by tomorrow morning, she returns to the bustle of La Mariana being repaired.

Thomas has moved on from painting to help Shammy with some other construction task and she catches herself staring. Granted, he’s met Ethan once or twice before but she’s never had the impression of dislike. Weariness, perhaps. Not sure how to deal with the whole serious boyfriend situation. But not dislike surely.

She just really wants them to get along. Not in a best buddy sort of way, but at least tolerant of each other.

But she also felt like they were being territorial. And she’d found it almost thrilling to realize.

Rick rings the bell and announces that dinner has arrived. Tables are being shoved together and the scent of Chinese food drowns out the smell of wood and turpentine.

After dinner, everyone is really too stuffed to continue with the repairs.

Rick turns on the juke box and they watch Kumu and TC dance, accompanied by lood whooping and cat calls.

He leans back in his chair and he feels her arm bumping his.

All of the sudden, perhaps emboldened by alcohol and too many paint fumes, he asks her to dance. And she doesn’t refuse. Oddly, they are not met with the same noises as Kumu and TC, or perhaps he’s too jittery to even notice.

She feels light against him, and in a way her body molds perfectly into his.

He doesn’t even hear the song ending and the record changing to something more upbeat.

One of other workers drunkenly tells them to go get a room as he passes. But no one else appears to be in the mood for jibes.

She still has her arms around him and she can’t help stifle a yawn.

It makes him smile and suggests he take her home because it’s past their bedtime. He quickly stutters that it’s not innuendo, but he also doesn’t want her to collapse from exhaustion.   
  


Kumu watches them leave, his hand on the small of her back, and can only think how much trouble Juliet is causing herself. And perhaps that’s not the worst thing that could happen.


	8. Acts of Irresponsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3.06. I was going to call it this since the sneak peeks came out, and since Friday I considered calling it Slim Pickings. Which would also work.

“What will you do with it?” he asks.

She looks up from the flowerbed she’s been inspecting and sees him rocking back and forth on his heels. Like a little boy expecting an exciting answer to a silly question.

“The three hundred dollars, what will you do with it?”

She thinks for a minute, considering a vast array of options.

“Pay a veterinary bill and buy groceries, probably.”

He looks disappointed, like he really expected a far more exciting answer.

“But nothing for yourself?”

”The groceries are for myself, Thomas.” she sighs, his face still uncomprehending. 

“Come on, Higgy, you should treat yourself. Go buy ice cream. Or tacos. Tacos are good.”

”I’m sure they are, but so is paying the vet bill and filling the fridge.”

He ponders this for a few seconds before starting to walk back to the guest house.

”Suit yourself. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

She watches him walk away and shakes her head.

He will never learn.

*

The next morning, she finds him in her desk chair testing the swivel feature.

”You’re not working today.”

”I’m not? And why is that?”

”Because today, Juliet Higgins, you will act irresponsibly.”

”No, I will not.”

He leans back in the chair and gives her that devil may care smile which she can not seem to resist lately.

”How much is left of your three hundred dollars?”

”About half, why?”

”Perfect, let’s go.”

*

In four years of living in the US, she’s never set foot in a pancake restaurant.

He has ordered two large plates, his with whipped cream and hers with fruit.

They’re good pancakes, it’s not that but she still doesn’t enjoy the fact that she really should be doing payroll today. 

“Was it serious?”

She looks up from her plate, having missed the first part of his question.

”The vet bill, was it for something serious?”

”Apollo got his paw stuck on something, he was limping. Apparently something was lodged in there. He was fine after the vet pulled it out.”

She know there’s no love lost between him and the lads, but he does look vaguely concerned.

They finish their pancakes and he congratulates her on finally buying something for herself, and he still doesn’t seem to grasp the problem.

*

”So, how does it feel? Being irresponsible?”

Other then the fact that they just went out for pancakes, it doesn’t feel like anything.

Annoying perhaps because wages still need to be paid out tonight, and she probably will be catching up with it until the early hours.

He is talking about taking her for ice cream and tacos and she is feeling thunderous.

*

Later that night, she stares at her payroll file.

She can not make herself focus on the numbers and she groans.

He looks surprised to find her on his doorstep, not as though he last saw her an hour ago, stalking towards the main house.

”I’m going to talk, Magnum and you will hear me out. I am not made for irresponsibility, never was. It is not a trait we share.”

He seems confused at this sudden verbal attack.

”You know, once just once, I wish we made enough every month to pay us both a decent wage, cover our costs and have enough left to re imburse Rick, TC and Shammy for the time they volunteer to help us. You know how many times I’ve been able to do that in the past two years? Once, Thomas. When the FBI paid us a finders fee.”

She stops to inhale deeply, and he still appears to be listening.

”I try to explain this to you every month when we do the books, and you always get distracted with silly things like dogs on the Internet. Or a movie you saw ages ago. Or any random tumbleweed passing in your thoughts.”

He really looks like a kicked puppy now, but she refuses to pity him.

”My point is, we have fixed rates. Which the clients agree to pay us. They sign papers saying they will pay us in money. Not in sweaters or goats or casks of wine. You do understand that, no?”

He nods, looking dismayed.

”And if they don’t have anything else but a goat but want to find out who their child ran off with? Do we refuse to take the case? You wound me, Higgy.”

She sighs and shakes her head.

”No more goats, Thomas. We can be lenient if necessary but I don’t want our business to run on bartering anymore. They pay what they can. In money. Deal?”

He mulls this over and nods.

“Deal.”

*

She sleeps late the next day, after only finishing payroll at 3 am.

When she opens the fridge to examine what she needs from the supermarket. She finds it fully stocked already. There’s a post it attached to a milk carton.

_You were right, you know._

_If you want, this can be the first day of me being more responsible._

_Bought your favorite ice cream too, see freezer._

_T_.

*

”Come back for round two?”

”No, actually, for a peace offering.”

She holds out two bowls of ice cream, one plain and one with chocolate sprinkles.

”Can we be irresponsible, just for an hour before I have to face the regional estate holders online meeting?”

He takes the chocolate sprinkles bowl and pulls her inside.

“An hour is a good start, fine by me.”

They sit side by side on his sofa, their knees touching and they both try to ignore that little fact.

"Why didn't you tell me about Apollo?"

She looks at him, wondering what brought this on.

"I tried calling you that night, but it kept going to voicemail. I had one of the groundsmen help me put him in the car."

He's racking his brain trying to figure out when this was exactly but comes up blank.

"You were at your buddy Duane' s bachelor party. I just figured you didn't hear your phone ring wherever you were."

She doesn't tell him how long and frustrating that night was, and how angry she was when he came home the next morning and didn't even acknowledge her. She'd called Ethan and the two of them kept watch over Apollo until the sedation wore off. She'd almost cried in frustration over the whole situation.

"Look, I know they don't like me, and that they mean a lot to you. I wouldn’t enjoy them suffering either. You should have told me. We don’t keep secrets, do we?"

"It's, he's fine now. But I still wish you'd have answered that night."

She takes his empty bowl and starts heading for the door when he grabs her wrist. 

"I mean it. About being more responsible. Starting from today. I think I owe you at least that."

"So, no more bartering, excessive bartabs or quarter filled gas tanks?"

"Promise."

He lets go of her wrist and watches her walk away.

She is still ten minutes late to the meeting, and for the first time in ever, she’s not even sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re wrote this like 50 times because there wasn’t much to go on this episode. Every draft I wrote came out as preachy, perhaps it still does, I don’t know.
> 
> Also, I feel like they need to have this conversation at some point. I don’t think Magnum and his unpaid bar tab are really that cute and it’s probably one of the things holding Higgy back as well.


	9. Lucidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Higgy has nightmares. 
> 
> Thomas and Ethan work together properly to help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caught some 3.05 moments today and I felt like Ethan wasn’t given a fair chance to prove himself. 
> 
> Also, my brain is weird and then things like this happen.

1\. Juliet Dreams

The nightmare comes once or twice a year these days.   
  


She is standing on a riverbank, the Aya Sophia a dark pinnacle in the distance.

She watches as Ian and Richard meet, how the knife slides across Richard’s throat and the blood drips down into his shirt.

They are oblivious as she screams and Ian walks away.

In passing, he grabs her arm and hisses in her ear. Her arm bruises under his grip.

”Go look at your men, Jules. You can always charm new ones but I’ll come for them too.”

He lets go and vanishes and then she sees the bodies in the water.

Thomas. Rick. TC. Ethan. Richard.

They float face up, the water washing the blood out of the wounds on their throats.

She tries to pull them to shore but they’re heavy and won’t budge easily.

Yet she keeps trying until her body aches and she has to give up. She watches as their bodies vanish under the water.  
  


*

Ethan is the last person he expects to find on his doorstep at 3 am.

But he looks panicked and can not find the right words.

”It’s Juliet. She’s having a nightmare and I can’t get her to wake up.”

Her bedroom is dark and he can just make out her features. Her eyes are open but her pupils flutter back and forth.   
  


“I think she’s lucid dreaming. Like a literal nightmare you can not wake from.”

Thomas strokes her hair and calls her name but to no avail.

Her eyes seem to be stuck in panic mode.

*

“Higgy. HIGGY!”

Thomas’ voice calls from the shore.

But it can’t be. She watched his body as it washed away, the last one to do so.

She makes out a shape on the beach but he’s too far away for her to reach.

*

It makes an interesting sight.

Juliet is still shaking with fear, and both men are desperately calling her name.

”Come back to us, babe.”

*

”Come back to us, babe.”

Now there are two figures on the beach, and she can make out their dark hair and worried faces.

The water surrounding her has a reddish hue and she feels like she’s choking.

*

She starts to tremor and Ethan rolls her on her side.

”Walk towards us, Juliet, we’re here. You are safe with us.”

*

She slowly moves one foot towards them, willing herself to go forward.

With every step their features become a little less murky and she can almost feel their solidity as she approaches. When she’s only a few steps removed, she feels the knife against her troat. The metal is hot and scorches her skin.

*

Her fingers claw at her throat and Ethan grabs her wrist so she won’t injure herself.

”Fight it, Juliet. I know you can do it.”

Ethan echoes him and they softly repeat the words until her body appears to go limp inbetween them.

*

”Fight, fight, fight.”

She stomps Ian in the gut, and manages to catch the knife before it falls in the sand.

The handle is warm and sticky with blood and it cuts straight through his skin like butter.

She drives it deeper until he seems to dissipate before her eyes.

”Remember, I’ll come for your men. Time and time again.”

*

She wakes with a scream and she feels Thomas and Ethan breathe a sigh of relief.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, you’re here with us.”

Ethan hands her a glass of water and she greedily gulps it down.

They stay like that while she catches her breath and feels the tension leave her body.

She is aching all over and she doesn’t even notice that one of them lifts her off the sweat soaked sheets and carries her downstairs. It’s cooler here and they keep watch over her for what remains of the night.

*

She wakes on the couch in the den, only vaguely remembering how she got there.

From the kitchen she hears voices arguing.

”No, it is not.”

The kitchen smells like pancakes and coffee and there’s a cartoon playing on the tv.

She regards them and the last fragments of her anxious mind are soothed by the sight.

”Morning glory. We made pancakes. Well, Thomas here did and I made your favorite coffee.”

She wraps her arms around Ethan and he kisses the top of her head. She can feel Thomas staring and she turns around and hugs him close too.

”Thank you, for pulling me back. I don’t think anyone has ever done that for me before.”

”Well, you did the work, we just ehm ... cheered you on.”

She’s still wrapped in Thomas’ arms and tries to ignore just how good that feels.

Luckily, he lets go and mumbles something about the pancakes going cold.

So they settle on the couch and eat pancakes and watch terrible reality shows all morning until Ethan has to leave for his shift.

But in the back of her mind, she can still hear a voice threatening her.

”I’ll come for your men, time and time again. You will never be safe.”


	10. Close Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3.07  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woke up to a lot of fandom boo hissing at the promo for next week, and I am sure it’s just Magnum having a bad dream. I don’t see Higgy acting like a handsy teenager under any circumstance. Just no.

It’s a different nightmare every night.

Sometimes he’ll be tailing the white SUV and there is gunfire and bullet holes in the Ferrari.

Sometimes she’s sitting beside him, and as he gets out to fire at his unseen foes he doesn’t see their bullets shatter the windshield. Her white dress, always a white one, is drenched in blood.

The worst one was the night he approached the SUV, the trunk opened and it was filled with bodies. She lay draped across the pile, her eyes open and unblinking. 

Or the one where they play poker and Higgy and Ethan are all over eachother. Touching, kissing, and every move sends a lightning bolt through his brain. She looks at him over Ethan’s shoulder, daring him to say something about it.

_”It could have been you, but you didn’t want me.”_

Sometimes she says it, sometimes her voice resonates and and he wants to scream in frustration.

He always wakes at 3 am. Never before and never after. 

_“Magnum, MAGNUM!”_

He shuffles towards the door, and finds her on his doorstep in her pajamas. The moonlight illuminates her fair hair and he stares in wonder for a minute before reality sets in.

_”I, uh, couldn’t get to sleep and I was in the kitchen and I heard you shouting. And I wanted to know you were ok.”_

He nods and opens the door further to let her in.

As she brushes past him, he looks out over the lawn for Ethan or other possible intruders but finds only silence. Somehow, it doesn’t soothe him.

“ _Nightmares, again?”_

She’s leaning against the dining room table, her arms crossed against her chest. She’s wearing white pajamas and in his mind’s eye he sees a bloodstain forming and spreading. He shakes it off because she’s within touching distance, and he can hear her steady breathing fromwhere he’s standing.

He nods and falls down on the couch.

He hasn’t seen her approaching and she’s now standing between him and the coffee table.

Her pajama top is sheer in the light and he can make out the shape of her abdomen underneath. He feels her fingers on his scalp, pushing the stray hair backwards. He aches to just lean in and rest his forehead against her stomach. To pull up the fabric and taste her skin.

Her fingers are still massaging his scalp and it’s the most soothing thing anyone has ever done for him. She laughs when he lets out a soft moan.   
  
_“Stay, Higgy, stay like this.”_

And then his mind gets the better of him and he leans into her.

Kisses the thin strip of exposed skin above her pajama shorts, making her gasp.

_”I... should go. Ethan is ... “_

_”Not here.”_

_”Waiting for me, in the main house.”_

Reality comes crashing back in and then she’s gone and he’s left with his lingering nightmares.

” _It could have been you, but you didn’t want me.”_

  
The next morning, he finds her out on the lanai with her morning coffee. Ethan is nowhere to be seen, for which he’s not sorry. He doesn’t want to disturb her so he watches as he pours his own coffee. She’s still in her pajamas, and she looks lost in thought.

She absent mindedly runs her finger over the spot on her abdomen where he kissed her and smiles.

The sight keeps the nightmares at bay for three days.

But they always come back, the bodies and the blood and the taunting.

And he still wakes at 3 am on the dot and never goes back to sleep afterwards.


	11. Wake Up Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 4.08. Four times she woke him up, and once when he woke her.

1.

He doesn’t really dream in the short bouts when he sleeps.

It’s like being trapped in five minute movies which are always variations on the same theme.

Bullets and a bloodied white dress and unblinking eyes.

There is something dripping down his neck and he wakes to find her standing over him.

He looks at the clock and finds that he’s only slept 45 minutes and groans.

By the time he’s alert enough, she’s already gone and he’s so so tired.

2.

After their talk, he feels lighter. But only briefly.

Perhaps the fact that she apologized and told him he still matters to her abated his anxiety somewhat. He feels stupid for thinking he wouldn’t matter anyway.

He dreams of her in the soft light, with Ethan. Whispering in his ear.

From far away, her voice calls him and the short dream ends.

This time she sits by his bedside and her hand is on his forehead.

Telling him it’s okay and she’s here.

She hands him a glass of water and their fingers touch lightly as she helps him drink.

The clock says it’s almost noon and he feels lightheaded.

He begs her not to tell Ethan and not to make him take pills.

3.

This dream is nice.

They’re at a party on a naval base and she’s wearing a pretty dress and the sun is bright in the sky. He introduces her to people and she beams at him.

Then the weather turns and a bloodstain blooms on her dress and she collapses in his arms.

”Don’t tell Ethan, please.”

Then her body goes limp and he screams.

He finds himself on the couch in the main house and she is leaning over him.

He clings to her and feels her heartbeat against her chest.

It’s the most soothing sensation and he wants to stay like this always.

4.

He’s gone without sleep for 48 hours now.

Their latest case sent them on a wild goose chase through the jungle and they are both tired and grumpy. They can’t even muster the energy for the drive home. So they stop at nearest motel for the night. They’re not even bothered that the only available room has a double bed.

He fights sleep and listens to the noises in the bathroom.

She’s only wearing a tank top and panties and crawls into bed next to him.

He thinks that sleep won’t come for entirely different reasons tonight but he dozes off soon after anyway.

The nightmares come and her soothing voice pulls him out every time.

It’s a broken night for both of them and they never discuss it afterwards.

5.

He only slept through the night once this month.

They went bowling with the Ohana, and had entirely too much terrible pizza and beers.

It’s a miracle they even made it home in one piece.

He squints against the sunlight, his hangover rapidly forming in his head. He turns over, bumping into her sleeping form.

She stirs and almost instinctively snuggles closer to him.

He calls her name and she blinks up at him, not quite sure of what she’s seeing.

“Don’t tell Ethan." she mumbles into his shoulder. 

His head hurts too much to think too deeply right now, so he rests his hand over her blonde curls and places a kiss on them.

”I won’t tell if you won’t.”


	12. Tolerance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3.09. THEY HUGGED FOR FIVE SECONDS! 
> 
> Because five seconds wasn’t nearly enough, I wrote well, more physicalities post episode.

Hé finally sleeps through, and doesn’t suffer that many nightmares anymore.

Instead he dreams of that hug, how her body crashed into his and how good it felt to just be the only thing on her mind for a few seconds.

They hold on for longer in his dream and then there’s a creaking sound invading his senses.

He finds her on the old swingset behind the poolhouse. Once put up for Robin’s son, he knows she sometimes sits there to unwind or gather her thoughts. Her head leans against the rope and she looks down at her hands. He kneels in front of her and takes them into his own. His thumb scrapes against her palm and she hisses. 

He can’t really see it clearly in the dark but her palms are red and bruised.

She’s in her pajamas and she looks quite ragged.

”Hurts, Thomas.” 

She pouts and starts to pull back but he keeps a firm grasp.He leads her back to the guesthouse because while she’d been fine at La Mariana earlier he got the impression that certain movements seemed to pain her. Now that the adrenaline has worn off she must have started feeling the full impact on her body.

Her hands are bruised and chafed and she watches silently as he disinfects them and winds bandages around her palms. He helps her stand and it takes effort to even do that. His hands are on her waist and she grimaces in pain. He looks at her for permission and lifts her pajama top up to her ribs. It’s a mass of bruised skin, in every shade of blue.

”Jesus, Juliet, what did they do to you?”

She shakes her head and grits her teeth.

”Did it to myself, fell from the ceiling.”

He decides that more explanation will be for another time, and leads her to sit on the couch.   
  
“Ran into an electric fence too.”

She cracks a smile, as though it’s an achievement rather then a painful mishap.

”Now who is being the stupid one?” he whispers to himself and hands her a painkiller.

She leans against his shoulder and her steady breathing steadies him.

“How about you stay here tonight where I can keep an eye on you.” He looks into her tired eyes and finds no resistance in them. He carries her to the spare bedroom and props her up against the pillows and she gives him a weak smile.

”Ethan is in Chicago, medical conference. Don’t worry. Will you stay, just until I fall asleep?”

He nods and she falls asleep with her blonde curls tickling his shoulder. He places a kiss on the top of her head and finds it impossible to leave her side. He just wants to stay here with her like this. Preferably for the rest of his life.  
  


Kumu finds them like that the next morning, and pulls the blanket a little higher over their sleeping bodies. Perhaps there is hope for them after all, she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for sticking with this story (and Anchoring of course) every week, and for your kudos and kind comments. I feel like I can never repeat that enough. ❤️


	13. Lucidity (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Ethan and the conversation they should be having.

He’s awoken by the sound of cabinet doors opening and closing.

Looking over, Juliet is still peacefully recovering from her nightmare and he listens to make sure her breathing is still even.

Ethan woke up before him and decided to search the kitchen.

”Where do you keep the flour? I thought we’d make pancakes for breakfast.”

Curious as who “we” implies, he walks into the pantry and digs up the requested ingredient.   
  


As he walks away, he catches Ethan standing over the stove as though he’s not sure what to do next. Apparently, he’s never used a high tech version range like the one they have.

”How about you make the batter and I’ll do the hard work?”

They work in silence, and he glances over at the other man.

”Thanks for the help last night. She was really scaring me.”

He nods and pours the batter into the hot pan.

”So, Juliet tells me you make killer chocolate chip pancakes.”

He looks up because it surprises him that she told him that. He’d made them for her on her birthday, and she’d actually eaten more of them then a bird size portion for a change.   
  


“Did she?”

”Yes, mine can never compare, I’m told. Not in so many words but still.”

Thomas can’t help but gloat over that, perhaps a little too obviously.

He scrapes his throat and flips the pancake over while Ethan figures out the coffee machine.

”Look, I know that you two have a special bond, and I would not get in the middle of that. Juliet means a lot to you, so I uh, was worried you might you know ...”

”Know what?”

”Be upset. About sharing her?”

”She’s not a doll, Ethan. And even so, not mine to decide over. She can do that for herself.”

”So it doesn’t bother you? Me and her.”

”No, it does not.”

He’s lying, and he knows Ethan knows too.

Their conversation is interrupted by Juliets appearance in the doorway. She looks pale and thin but her eyes look a little more lively. Her blonde curls are messy and she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Ethan is similarly staring and right then he is envious that he’s the one treated to that sight every morning.

She cuddles against Ethan and he’s sure he can hear his heart cracking a little further.

But then she presses her body against his for a little longer then necessary and the feeling almost makes him stumble.

They settle on the couch, and she’s wedged safely inbetween them. He could stay like this forever, he thinks. Every now and then, she’ll rest her head on his shoulder like it’s the most normal thing and he resists the urge to just bury his nose in her hair. 

He wonders if she’d mind all that much anyway.


	14. Cruciverbalist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post 3x10.
> 
> To soothe your aching ‘shipper souls.

“Hey, how was your weekend?”

She lets herself fall on the couch and huffs.

”Fine.”

He turns around and she’s fiddling with a tassle on a couch cushion.

”Just fine?”

She nods and leans her head back.

”Ethan drop you off?”

”No, I walked all the way over here, Thomas. Yes, he dropped me off. His friend asked him to cover a last minute shift at the hospital.”

He rolls his eyes but figures she’s probably tired and hungry and it’s best to ask questions later.

*

”He cheated.”

Not sure what he just heard, he turns around and finds her in the doorway to the guesthouse.

”Want me to break his nose?”

Not understanding the quip, she sits herself down next to him and waits for him to hand her a beer.   
  


“He did the crossword without me. We are supposed to be a team.”

She pouts and turns the bottleneck between her fingers.

”A team? It’s a crossword, Higgy. Not a competition.”

”Is too.”

”Who are you competing with? A retirement village in Florida? A night watchman somewhere out there?”

She’s still pouting and she looks adorable.

”We always do it together, it’s our thing.”

He’s still not sure what the deal is, and when she and Ethan reached the bickering over crosswords stage of their relationship. Surely most couples only reached it after a decade or two.

“So, does he know you’re pissed off over it?”

”No.”

”Will you let him know?”

“Perhaps.”

*

When she comes downstairs the next morning, she finds one of Robin’s silver trays sporting a perfect gin fizz, a stack of crosswords and a twenty dollar bill.

*

When he gets home, she’s bent over one of the puzzles he left her, clearly struggling with one of the answers.

”Doing the crossword without Ethan? Naughty.”

”It’ll show him.”

She says it like she means it and he snorts.

”What’s inspiring, animating and starts with P R O? Fourteen letters.”

“Proceleusmatic”

She looks up and stares in surprise.

”What, I know big words too, Higgy.”

He hears her sigh as he walks away.

”I know you do. But you just never say them out loud. And I wish you would.”

She says it to his retreating form and part of her hopes he heard.

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERY NOTE ...
> 
> I may take away too much from one small preview, but since it appears our heroes also suffered through the pandemic I figured it was fair game subject wise.
> 
> Edited 6/12 because I saw some kinks needing to be fixed. And yes, I do think something happened inbetween seasons and they are just scared of this sudden change.


End file.
